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Title: Homecoming III: Christmas 1984: part 1 Author: cwby 30 Rating: NC-17 overall, reference to m/m sex, adult situations, angst, language. NOT FOR MINORS. This part is PG-13, for references to m/m relationship, but without any SMEX. Genre: AU, Jack/Ennis, Junior, Kurt, OCs Summary: Jack waits anxiously for Bobby to arrive for Christmas, and when he does he meets Ennis for the first time and.... Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain and these characters (except the OCs) belong to Annie Proulx, Jake Gyllenhall, Heath Ledger and others. I'm just borrowing them for a short time. No disrespect intended. I do this for me for fun, and make no money off any of it. AN: Afternoon. Well, it's Christmas at the Twist Ranch. Hope you like it. This is part 1, Christmas Eve. I'll post part 2, Christmas Day, next week. No beta but me, so please let me know if I missed something. And, here are the links to the other installments: Homecoming: cwby30.livejournal.com/10147.html#cutid1 Homecoming II: Part 1: cwby30.livejournal.com/17447.html Homecoming II: Part 2: cwby30.livejournal.com/17790.html#cutid1 Thanks again, and Merry Christmas. Homecoming III
Christmas 1984
“You know, a watched pot never boils.” “Huh? What? What does that have to do with… anything?” “Haven’t you heard yer Momma say that?” “Yeah. So?” Heavy sigh. “It means, just because you constantly look out the window towards the road, it don’t mean he’ll get here any sooner.” “I know that, it’s just that I’m worried. He shoulda been here yesterday, and now it’s Christmas Eve and he isn’t here yet.” “Jack, it’s a long drive, and he called from the gas station in Casper a few hours ago, he’ll be here soon. Now, why dontcha sit down and relax?” Ennis patted the seat cushion next to him on the couch, and Jack reluctantly came over and sat down. Ennis put his arm across the back of the couch and around Jack’s shoulders. Jack had held him together over Thanksgiving, now he would take care of Jack. “Nothin’s gonna happen ta him, he’ll be here soon enough and all in one piece.” Jack relaxed into his embrace. “I know, I know. But I know how far it is and how long it takes, and he isn’t here yet. I made that trip enough times for twenty some years. But he’s only made it alone once before, and not in Winter with all this bad weather. When I close my eyes, I keep seein’ him in a ditch or somethin’…” Ennis tensed ever so slightly at the mention of the twenty years of driving, but released it just as quick and hoped Jack didn’t notice. One of the many regrets he still had for all those years apart, was making Jack drive all the way from Texas to Wyoming and him never driving anywhere out of the State. One of the many regrets he would do his best to make up for during the next twenty years and the twenty after that, and even longer if his most fervent wish came true. “No buts. It’s gonna be alright, you’ll see.” Ennis used his most soothing voice. Jack smiled up at him, and tried to believe it, too. Ennis looked at the door to the livingroom, and seeing no one and hearing Jack’s mom in the kitchen, he leaned in and kissed Jack quickly but firmly. “No buts, huh? Thought you liked…” “Jack,” Ennis whispered, with a slight frown, “not here. Yer momma’s in the kitchen and John’s just down the hall.” Then he added, “I do. Later.” “Promise?” Jack reached up and touched his cheek. Ennis would promise anything to Jack, well almost anything, and this thing he could promise. “Promise.” They sat quietly for a few minutes, both listening for tires crunching on snow, without admitting it to the other. “You found a nice tree. Still can’t hardly believe you did it yourself.” “Wanted ta surprise you and yer folks.” “You did. Amos give you a hard time?” “Him? Nah, he was glad to sell another tree so close ta Christmas, just a bit surprised that it was for yer folks, is all.” Ennis put on his best imitation of Amos: “Ain’t sold a tree ta John Twist in nearly 20 damn years, havin’ his kid and you livin’ there’s made a difference, I can see that, so can my missus and most other folks in town, good thing, too, they’d just about run the place inta the ground, what with John’s accident and Jack havin’ a bum leg, you sure are a good friend indeed, nice havin' ya here.” “So he didn’t give you the evil eye?” Jack said it lightly, but Ennis could feel the undercurrent of the unspoken question. “No, just smiled and took my ten dollars.” “And if he had done it?” Ennis pondered that unspoken, now spoken, question. “I woulda looked right back at him, and said thank ya kindly, and brought the tree home.” Home, he said home. “Ain’t goin’ nowhere any more, least not without you.” Ennis said that low, quietly, followed by a kiss on Jack’s head. Jack shifted, so he could put his arms around Ennis’ waist. “Thank you,” he said huskily. Ennis didn’t reply, just held onto his reason for living. “Jackie, honey, can you help me for a minute.” Elaine’s voice from the kitchen broke into their moment. “Sure, Ma, be right there.” Jack struggled upright and stretched out his bad leg, rubbing it. “You stay here, I’ll take care of it” “Thanks… seems like I say that to you a lot these days.” “Me, too.” As Ennis left, Jack stretched out on the couch, and looked again at the tree, almost mesmerized by the bubbles rising constantly in the colored bubbler lights, and the sparks of light glancing off the ornaments as the other tree lights blinked bright red and green and orange and blue. It reminded him of those Christmases away from Ennis, back in Childress, back in the old days. Those first few Christmases were fun, when Bobby was little and discovered something new and exciting every year. The three of them searched the tree lots for just the right tree, not wanting to buy the very first one they had seen, but sometimes going back and doing just that. Jack would cut off a bit of the trunk before setting it into the stand and adding the water. Then on went the lights, and garlands, and ornaments, every year a new ornament for Bobby. And finally, he would lift Bobby up high to put the star on the top, while Lureen took a picture of the two of them. After that, he would set up the tripod and set the timer on the camera, and get a picture of the three of them in front of the tree, to send with their cards. He always wanted to send one to Ennis, but didn’t want to spook Ennis, so never did, just those damn impersonal postcards. He shifted a bit on the couch, easing his stiff leg and the other aches from bones busted up on the rodeo circuit in his youth. Other Christmas memories came back, too. After those first years, as Lureen got more involved with the business, she found less time to go get the tree and put up the ornaments, until finally the year Bobby turned ten he came home from a quick sales trip to find a fancy tree already put up and decorated in the livingroom. Lureen simply said she had her decorator take care of it to save time and besides, it looked so much better without all those odd ornaments. Bobby and Jack had looked at each other, and the next day the two of them bought a small artificial tree for Bobby’s room, on which they hung all his favorite ornaments. Lureen was irritated, but couldn’t do anything about it, so from then on each year two trees appeared at the Twist household. Hope Bobby remembered his box of ornaments, was Jack’s last thought before he allowed needed sleep to overcome him. The low murmur of voices gradually seeped into his brain, and slowly waking him from his nap. He recognized one of them as Bobby’s. After stretching while still lying down, he sat up, twisting his neck, shrugging his shoulders, working out the kinks. He smiled as he realized his boots were off his feet, on the floor next to the couch; Ennis must have done it without waking him. He padded in his stockings through the dining room towards the kitchen, but stopped short of the doorway, out of view, listening to the conversation between his mom, his partner and his son. “… and he sounds so much better when I’ve talked to him these past two months, he’s back to bein’ the daddy I had when I was little. You’ve done so much for him, I don’t know how to thank you enough, Mr. Del Mar.” “No need ta be thankin’ me, Bobby. Yer daddy’s done the same fer me, and we’ve been thankin’ each other and your Grandma and Grandpa” and the Lord God Almighty on high “every day for the second chance we got. And from what he’s told me, I’ve got you ta thank for that second chance, too. If you hadn’t come along…” “Yeah, if something hadn’t made me go looking for him…” Bobby’s voice trailed off. “And… uh… you can call me Ennis if you want to. Mr. Del Mar was my daddy, and he’s long dead.” Bobby blinked. Call me Ennis. Ennis. The man who sat across the worn table appeared calm on the outside, but the occasional tremor in the hand holding the coffee cup showed inside he was wound as tight as the clock on the mantle above the fireplace. He was not just “Ennis”. He was the person who made his father whole, who had brought his father peace and happiness after so many years of unrest and sorrow, and who in this quiet part of the world had himself found some peace and happiness. From telephone calls with his father, Bobby knew all about the heartache of Thanksgiving and how this almost shy man had begun to find the home he hadn’t had since he was a child, a home to replace the series of roofs over his head, a home with a family who loved and cared for him. Bobby’s father’s words had told him, but his grandmother’s looks had confirmed it. Bobby also realized how fragile this new feeling must be for all of them, and he wanted it to continue for all of them, including himself, forever. Bobby too craved that sense of family that had been missing through most of his own life. And Ennis had provided it, just by being there. So, Bobby blinked, but did not hesitate. He made a quick, instinctive decision, one which was just right, the only one to make. As the years passed, Bobby would come to know just how right it was and the difference it made in all their lives. “Sure, but, well… I know what you and Dad mean to each other… don’t give me that look, I’ve known for a long time, remember? And it doesn’t make a speck of difference in how I feel about you and him… and if things were different, you know, if you were a woman then Daddy and you’d get married… and I’d have a stepmom… not that I want dad to marry some gal... or want you to be a woman… or want a stepmom… I mean…um…” He stammered as he bulled through what he wanted to say. “Shit, this is hard.” “Robert! Language. And on the eve of the Lord’s birthday!” “Yes, Grandma, sorry. What I mean is, if things were the way I think they should be, then you two would be getting married… and you’d be my stepdad. Seeing as how you can’t and I already have a Dad, would it be okay with you if I called you Pop?” Jack nearly fell to his knees hearing that. Only a good grip on the side table kept him on his feet. After a few moments of silence, he heard Ennis’ reply, and knew what it meant to all of them. With just a few words, his voice said so little and conveyed so much. “I’d… I’d be proud to have a son like you, and mighty proud ta have ya call me that.” “Thanks…Pop.” Jack heard two chairs scraping, and could visualize his Ennis and his son standing and holding each other to seal their new family bond. The silence was deafening. Jack decided to tiptoe back to the living room, intending to announce his arrival from there. Turning, he saw his father in the archway between the living room and the dining room, hands clasped in his lap. Jack walked over, sat down on a chair and reached out to him, touching his hands. John covered Jack’s hand with his own. They whispered “You heard?” “Yep.” “You approve?” “Ain’t up ta me. Question is, do you?” “Yep, with all my heart.” “Then ya best be getting’ in there and greetin’ yer son and partner. Sooner ya do that, the sooner I get my dinner.” John tried to sound gruff. But they both knew the meaning of this moment in time. Jack squeezed his father’s hand before standing. “Well.” Jack smiled as he recognized his mom’s voice, and the tone of voice which said it was time to change the subject. “Enough of that, we all got things to be thankful for, especially our family right here right now. Besides, it’s Christmas Eve and almost time for supper before church.” “Yes, Elaine.” “Yes, Grandma.” “Come on, Bobby, let’s get yer things from the truck before daylight’s gone. You’ll be livin’ in yer dad’s old room. Hope it’s big enough to fit all that stuff ya brought.” “If not, there’s always the basement, and the attic, and the barn…” “Huh-uh, not the barn, not out there, need all the room we got for…” Jack decided it was time to speak up. “Bobby? Is that you?” “Dad!” They met in the middle of the dining room, sure enough in their relationship to hug each other without embarrassment. “Merry Christmas, Dad.” “Welcome home, Son.” Looking over his son’s shoulders, Jack caught sight of Ennis with one arm around his mom’s waist. Their eyes met and they smiled together.
TBC in Part 2
Tags: au, cwby30, homecoming
Current Location: Office, and heading home
Current Music: Christmas in the Old West
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They took the road less traveled by, and that made all the difference. EPILOGUE: The Road Less Traveled By
June 7, 2008 “Afternoon, Mr. Del Mar, Mr. Twist, nice to have you back.” “Good to be here, Mike, ain’t that right, Enn?” “Sure is.” “Got your usual cabin ready for you, and have the four closest ones ready for the Campbells, the McGowens, the Johnsons, and the other Twists. Just need you to fill out, initial and sign these forms. Do you need help with the horses?” “No, thanks, we’ll drive ‘em down and make sure they’re settled before headin’ to the cabin.” “Here are your keycards. Let me know if you need anything.” “Sure. Is your dad around?” “Right behind you, Jack,” came a recognizable voice. They turned around and smiled as they shook hands with the Ranch’s owner. “Howdy, Brett, nice to see you again.” “Jack, Ennis, glad to see you, too. What’s it been now? Twenty-two years in a row?” “Twenty-five,” corrected Ennis, with a small smile, “June of 1983.” “Twenty-five it is, same week each year, same cabin. Special occasion, huh?” “Yeah, our anniversary, you might say,” said Jack. “Jack!” “Ennis? I’m just sayin’…” Knowing them well, Brett started talking before the next volley began, while Mike busied himself with paperwork behind the Reception desk. “Never forget that first time, the look on Jack’s face when I handed him your cabin key.” “And I’ll never forget the look on his face first time he walked into the cabin,” replied Ennis. “How so?” “Well…” Ennis dragged the word out. “Ennis!” “Jack? I’m just sayin’…” Jack quickly changed the subject. “Nothin’. We gotta get goin’. We have horses outside that’ve been cooped up in a trailer for four hours, not to mention kids and grandkids arrivin’ any minute now.” He turned to Brett. “Everythin’ set up for dinner tonight?” “Yep, all set up, just like you asked. You have a long table at the far end of the room, next to the window, menu’s ready, Andrew’s already getting things prepared in the kitchen. I’m sure looking forward to seeing your whole family again, been too long since they’ve all been here. I’ll bet the young-uns have really grown,” replied Brett. “Yeah, they sure have, and there’s two more besides,” replied Jack “How many does that make?” “Seven, we’ve got seven grandchildren,” said Ennis, not without a hint of pride in his voice. “How many have you got now?” “Still just two, and they could have a little cousin if Mike and Susie would do something about it like his sister did.” Brett raised his voice a bit towards the end, on purpose. “Dad! Please! We’ve only been married six months.” “Humpf. Long enough.” “Had my first before our first anniversary,” interjected Ennis. “Me, too,” added Jack. “Guys, please, don’t egg him on. It’s our business and nobody else’s. Jeez.” Mike turned to busy himself with the computer. Jack and Ennis traded a look, both thinking of the same thing, the same phrase, murmured more than 45 years before. “Think we better lay off?” asked Jack, looking at Ennis. “Nah, he can take it,” replied Brett with a smile. “Speakin’ of family, sorry again about Don’s passin’,” said Ennis. “He was a good friend to us.” “Thanks. Uncle Don was a great guy, one of a kind, always there when I needed him. Couldn’t have kept the place going without him those first few years after Dad died. We all miss him a lot.” “Dad?” “Yeah, Mike?” “Somebody from Smart & Final says he needs to talk to you, line 3.” “Okay.” Brett turned back to the guys. “Gotta go, the trials and tribulations of owning a combined working horse ranch and dude ranch. See you tonight.” With another shake of the hand, Brett picked up the phone. “Brett Wroe here, how can I help you?” ++++ Ennis and Jack still had some of their best conversations in the dark, on the porch, before heading inside for the night. Ennis turned off the light, and dropped into the padded bent-twig chair next to Jack. Reaching out, he handed Jack a mug followed by a bottle of Old Rose. “Can’t believe it, you still have these mugs.” Jack filled his half-way and set the bottle on the table next to his chair. “Yep, chipped, a little worn around the edges, but otherwise all in one piece and gonna last a long time more.” “Kinda like the two of us, eh?” Ennis smiled in the dark. “Kinda like.” They both stared at the dark sky punctuated by pinpoints of light, and both instinctively searched out the North Star. Echoes of that night 25 years before rattled through their heads. “Best damn 25 years a man could ever have,” said Jack, switching his mug to his other hand, and reaching his right hand out for Ennis’ left hand. When their fingers entwined, Jack ran his thumb over Ennis’, and then leaned over slightly as he pulled Ennis’ hand up to his lips. He kissed Ennis’ thumb, then the slim gold band on his ring finger. “Happy one-month anniversary, Cowboy.” “Same to you, Bud,” replied Ennis, as he duplicated Jack’s gesture and then leaned over for a real kiss. “Can’t believe I let you talk me into flyin’ to San Diego and getting’ married.” “Don’t give me that, you wanted to get married just as much as I did, and I knew you wouldn’t go for my first choice.” “San Francisco?” snorted Ennis. “Right about that. Glad we didn’t. That Hotel Del … Del…” “Hotel Del Coronado.” “Yeah, that Hotel Del Coronado was some wonderful place.” “You sure looked handsome standin’ there in front of the preacher in your suit.” “So did you.” Ennis took a sip of whiskey. “’Course, you looked even better afterwards, in your birthday suit.” “Why, Ennis del Mar, you old romantic fool, you.” Ennis’ lips twitched, and he blushed a bit. “Like a showed you last night, I still ain’t old.” “So you don’t deny it, you’re a romantic fool.” Ennis didn’t deny it. Instead he squeezed Jack’s hand in agreement. They spent the next hour or so sitting in the padded bent-twig chairs on the porch, drinking, reminiscing, holding hands, kissing, until the evening chill drove them inside. Within a few minutes they took refuge in each other’s arms under the down comforter on the king-size bed until, tired, sticky and happy, sleep overtook them. THE END )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) * “The Road Not Taken,” Robert Frost, Mountain Interval, 1920 ** “Don’t Sit Under The Apple Tree,” - written by Lew Brown, Charles Tobias and Sam H. Stept, recorded in New York City on February 18, 1942 by Glenn Miller and His Orchestra (two months after the attack on Pearl Harbor) for his album “Chattanooga Choo-Choo”, later recorded by the Andrews Sisters. Tags: au, cwby30, theonlything
Current Location: Office - alone
Current Mood:  thankful
Current Music: None
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Their stay comes to an end... and their lives begin... PART 3: An End and a Beginning
During the week that followed, they fell into a routine. Ennis woke early from habit, got out of bed long enough to start the coffee in the automatic drip coffeemaker, then hopped back into bed and used his lips and other body parts to pull a sleepy Jack into full wakefulness. After seeing to the horses, they showered, had breakfast in the dining room, and then saddled up the horses for a morning ride. They explored the marked trails and some of Pete’s byways, and always found a quiet, hidden place to explore each other. After lunch, they went swimming and played cards by the pool, before heading back to the stables to feed the horses and chat with Pete. After dinner, they sat in the bar or headed to the recreation room to play some pool, or both, before walking back to their cabin, where they spent some time on the porch winding down from their day, then spending time in bed wrapped in each other’s arms. Their routine varied occasionally. One morning they rode with a group of guests on a morning trail ride, ending up with a chuck-wagon breakfast next to one of the lakes on the Ranch. One afternoon they drove into Pueblo and looked around, had dinner, and returned with gifts for their kids. Another day they went river rafting with a group from the ranch, including jumping off a 20-foot outcropping of rock into the river below. One evening after dinner they joined other guests for a show put on by the Ranch employees in the recreation hall. Some of the guests engaged them in conversation in the dining room, or by the pool, or in the bar, or at the stables, light talk about what a nice place this was, and where they were from, and what they did for work, and how they knew each other, and their families, and such. Ennis usually had little to say, listening, answering when asked, while Jack kept the conversation rolling. Ennis learned that people simply accepted them as two friends, spending time together. He could tell when another guest figured out their sleeping arrangements, and the response of the other guest fell into one of two categories: either the guest avoided them while pleasantly making excuses, or the guest stayed around as usual without changing. Most stayed around as usual. Like Sally and Jim and their kids. But Ennis and Jack had some of their best conversations in the dark, on the porch, before heading inside for the night. +++++ On Sunday night, Jack broke the silence. Mentally steeling himself, he asked Ennis the question that had been on his mind since Friday morning. “Enn?” “Yeah.” “What happened Thursday night?” Jack waited while Ennis collected his thoughts before speaking. “You could say I wrestled with Draco to capture the North Star.” “What? Draco? Who’s Draco?” “A dragon.” “A dragon?!” Jack didn’t expect that answer. “Yep, one big bad dragon, that big fella up there.” Ennis pointed towards the sky, towards the North Star and Big Dipper and the Little Dipper and Draco in between. “See the North Star, and the two Dippers. Then see Draco? He runs in between the Dippers, that’s his head, then his body…” “I know the North Star and the Dippers, never knew about Draco.” “Well, the Greeks or some such called the Dippers bears, and the dragon kept the bears apart.” Ennis took a swig from the bottle, and handed it to Jack. He could barely make out Jack’s dim outline in the darkness. “Thursday night I looked at ‘em and didn’t see the Dippers, could only see you and me, and you showin’ me the way steady and true, and a big dragon of my fears in between us, keepin’ us apart. Thinkin’ on what Fran said, I decided I just couldn’t let that happen no more. So I wrestled with that dragon, knocked him down, and took hold of that Star.” He reached out and Jack handed the bottle back, and he took another swig. “You’re my North Star, Jack. But all these years I was too afraid and ashamed to follow you. Not any more. Huh-uh. Now, I ain’t sayin’ that dragon’s gone fer good, mind you, ain’t sayin’ he won’t try to get b’tween us again sometime, not after so many years, but now I know he can be handled and I can handle him.” Ennis stopped, exhausted from talking so much. They both sat in silence for a while, before Jack broke it again. “Remind me to thank Fran some day.” “Okay.” Ennis paused, took another swig from the bottle. “Thank Fran some day.” “Dumbass.” “Sticks and stones… salesman.” “Ouch, that hurts.” “Where? Want me to kiss it and make it all better? “Damn right I do.” They walked inside, locked the door, then pushed and shoved and kissed and groped and pulled clothes of each other all the way to the single king-sized bed, where Ennis kissed nearly every square inch of Jack’s body without ever finding where it hurt, but making it all better nonetheless. +++++ On Monday night, Ennis broke the silence. Mentally steeling himself, he asked Jack the question that had been on his mind since Friday morning. “Bud?” “Yeah.” “Who’s Randy?” Ennis waited while Jack collected his thoughts before speaking. “Remember me tellin’ you about the rancher’s wife?” Ennis nodded in the dark, not wanting to hear what he knew was coming, but needing to hear it. “Well, it wasn’t the wife, it was the rancher. Randy’s the foreman at a big place outside of town, his wife and Lureen belong to the same women’s club. We sat at the same table at the Valentine’s Day dinner dance last February. Afterwards we were sittin’ together on a bench outside waitin’ for the gals, when he asks me if I’d like to go fishin’ with him some time, just the two of us, at a cabin on one of the lakes. Couple of weeks later he asked again and then again, and finally I took him up on his offer, and… well… we did a little fishin’ and a lot of other things.” Ennis just stared straight ahead, hardly breathing, waiting to hear Jack tell him these past few days were all a joke to Jack, and Jack would be driving back to Randy when the week was up. “Ain’t proud of what I done, Babe.” Jack remembered what Ennis had said the night before. “I ain’t always been steady, but I’ve always been true to you.” Babe?! He called me Babe! “Things got pretty tense at home before our trip last month, guess that’s what pushed me over the edge that last day when you told me about August. I really counted on that week, and then it was gone, poof, just like that. By the time I got back to Childress, I’d settled down and felt real bad about our fight, called Randy and told him I wanted to cool things a bit. But he just wouldn’t let things go, just had to see me alone to try to convince me to keep things going between us, kept calling every day, so I finally gave in. Thought he’d calmed down what with our trip comin’ up, but they sure boiled over after I called him yesterday and cancelled.” Jack took a swig to fortify himself, and continued on. “He hardly said a thing over the phone, but bright and early with the chickens this morning he hauled ass up the driveway in his fancy Suburban as I was loadin’ up my truck, jumped out and started callin’ me all sorts of names. I dragged him into the garage and tried to explain things calmly, but he wouldn’t hear anythin’ but his own voice. Finally, he started in on you and me and twenty years, so I hauled off and slugged him up the side of his head, right where you got me that mornin’ twenty years ago. Hit the concrete hard when he fell, knocked the wind out of him and some sense into him. Lookin’ down on him, I made up my mind to end it, so told him right then and there how things were gonna be, that it was over between him and me. He apologized, said he was sorry, then I helped him up. We shook hands, and he drove off.” Ennis still stared forward, then squirmed in his seat before asking quietly, “You gonna see him again?” Please say no, please… “Nope, that’s all through, over, done with. Guess for me he’s like yer waitress gal, only with diff’rent equipment, the kind you and I got. He filled in some lonely blank days for a while, when I was missing you so much I couldn’t stand it and I couldn’t have you and I needed what I couldn’t get.” They both sat in silence considering these things, before Jack asked, “You gonna see yer waitress gal again.?” “Nope, that’s all through, too, ended it the day after I got back from our last trip, saw her in the diner, told her I wouldn’t be callin’ any more.” “How’d she take it/” “Not so good neither. But she left me alone, ain’t heard from her since then.” “So, it’s just me and you?” “Yep, me and you… always has been for me, you know, no one else, just you.” Jack squeezed his eyes shut at that, not wanting to let Ennis see through the darkness how much that simple statement affected him. Thank you Lord for whatever you did to make him start talkin’ to me after all these years, sayin’ all those things I never thought I’d ever hear from him. “And while we’re on the subject, Jack Fucking Twist, from now on I’m the only one’s gonna give you what you want and need, and I don’t wanta hear anythin’ more about any other… any other… well, I just don’t wanta, ever, got that?” Ennis growled this out, low, but still couldn’t keep the hurt out of his voice. “Got that.” Ain’t gonna hurt you ever again, Babe. “Same here, got that?” “Got that.” Both got the feeling that a door had closed while a big window opened, and reached for each other’s hand at the same time. +++++ On Tuesday night, Jack broke the silence. Ennis had bought matching mugs at the ranch gift shop, complete with the ranch’s name and brand on either side, so they used them to sip whiskey this night. “What’re gonna do about Alma?” “Alma? Nothin’ to do. She’s got Bill and her new family, the girls are still around, she don’t need me at all.” “What about the child support you owe her?” “Don’t owe her nothin’. Paid her yesterday the rest of what I owed her.” “How’d she take it?” “Don’t know, wasn’t there to see it.” “Then how’d you pay her?” “Put it in an envelope and gave it to Fran right after graduation, asked her to give it to her momma later on, after things quieted down.” “Chicken.” “Dumbass” “You tell her why you did it?” “Sorta. Wrote her a note, told her I was leavin’ town, no reason to stay, nothin’ left there for me. Didn’t tell her where I was goin’ or who I was goin’ with, that’s my business, ain’t none of her business far as I’m concerned.” Jack smiled in the darkness. Nobody’s business but ours! Talk about a twenty-year circle. “My business, too.” I hope. “Yep.” They sat in silence for a while, holding hands. Ennis chuckled a bit. “Sure woulda liked to see her face when she opened that envelope!” “Maybe not, then you woulda been within’ range of something she coulda thrown at you.” “Got good reflexes, woulda ducked.” “I can flex pretty good myself.” Ennis frowned slightly. “What’s that gotta do with…” He shivered and nearly dropped his almost brand new $7.95 plus tax souvenir mug when Jack leaned over and whispered in his ear, before licking it oh so slowly. “Wanta see how flexible I can get, Cowboy?” “Damn right I do.” They walked inside, locked the door, then pushed and shoved and kissed and groped and pulled clothes of each other all the way to the single king-sized bed, where Jack proceeded to show Ennis how flexible Jack could be, and later when Ennis lay panting on his back, Jack proceeded to show Ennis how flexible Ennis could be. +++++ On Wednesday night Ennis broke the silence. “What happened with Lureen?” “Randy, that’s what happened,” Jack replied with a touch of bitterness. “Huh?” “She was at home Saturday morning, tryin’ to be nice, makin’ me a sandwich and some snacks for the drive, like she always does.” Ennis filed that away for further thought. “Apparently she heard and saw Randy drive up, and came out to say hello to him and bring me the food, and she heard it all.” Ennis felt light-headed. “All of it?” “All of it that matters. I watched Randy head back down the driveway and drive off. When I turned around, there she was, standin’ next to the garage, holdin’ on to a bag of food, hands on her hips, tappin’ her foot, that look in her eyes tellin’ me not to try to lie my way outta this one.” Jack went silent as the conversation played over again in his mind. “Lureen, honey, I…” “Don’t you ‘honey’ me, Jack Twist! I heard what he said, loud and clear.” “But it ain’t what it seems, really.” “Oh? And just what part of it isn’t what it seems? The part about you and Randy spending your ‘fishing” weekends holed up in a cabin fucking each other’s brains out? Or the part about you and your precious Ennis doing the same in a tent in Wyoming for how many years? Well? Which is it?” “Lower your voice, dammit, calm down. This is nobody’s business but ours, and you’re shoutin’ it loud enough to wake the dead.” “Good! Maybe if I shout loud enough my daddy’ll rise from his grave to tell me ‘I told you so’ and whip the daylights outta you.” “That’s it, I’m outta here. You wanta let Mary next door know your business, fine, go ahead. Just remember she’s got a tongue on her that ain’t stopped moving since the day she learned how to move it. You go draggin’ my name through the mud, and I’ll do the same to you, but you’ll still be livin’ here and so will Bobby unless he wants to come with me. So you better think twice about it before you go yellin’ it from any more rooftops or driveways. We’ll talk about this when I get back, and we’ll do it inside!” “On, we’ll do it inside, alright, inside my lawyer’s office drawin’ up the divorce papers on the grounds of adultery with a man.” “Fine, you call him and while you’re at it, be sure to let him know I’ll be askin’ for every penny I got comin’ to me for bein’ married to you for the past 17 years and putting up with your daddy for most of them. And by the way, I quit, find yourself another regional top salesman of the year to peddle your combines.” “But… you…I…Jack, I swear…” “Don’t, it wouldn’t be lady-like.” “Jack? Jack! Earth to Jack!” “Huh?” “Finally. I said, so what happened?” “We had it out right there in the driveway, and she threw the bag of food at me and told me she’s callin’ her lawyer and filin’ for divorce. On my out of town, I stopped at a gas station and called my lawyer, too, to give him a heads-up and start figurin’ out a way to stop the fightin’ and get me single again.” Single again, just like me, just like nine years ago. “’Course, I don’t intend to remain single for long.” Shit, I knew this was too good to be true. “Who you got in mind?” “A cowboy.” “Anybody I know?” Fuckin’ Randy? Ennis couldn’t get that picture out of his mind just yet. “You, as if you didn’t know already.” Jack reached out in the darkness and found Ennis’ hand. “This here’s our chance. You and me, two divorced dads, friends for twenty years, makin’ a go of it on a place of our own, havin’a sweet life together. Whatdya say, Cowboy?” Ennis thought about the past twenty years, Jack asking, him refusing, the loneliness, the emptiness. He looked up and saw the North Star. Time to wrestle another dragon, Ennis del Mar, it’s what you’re here for, ain’t it? To make things right with Jack? And here he’s the one askin’ you, not the other way around. Ennis squeezed Jack’s hand. “I say yes, Jack, yes to all of it, I want all of it, like other folks have, a ranch, a house, a couple of trucks that don’t need fixin’ all the time, the kids over at Easter and Thanksgivin’, a tree in front of the livin’room window on Christmas, and the man I love next to me every day and night.” Jack was speechless, and had to rub his sleeve across his eyes. “Ennis del Mar, are you proposin’ to me?” Jack managed to get it out with only a slight hitch in his voice. Ennis considered that. “Guess I am, kinda.” “Only kinda?” “Seein’ as how we can’t get married, it hasta be ‘kinda’.” “Well, I accept your proposal, and if ever the day comes, I’ll hold you to it and make honest men outta the both of us.” “Does that mean we gotta wait ‘til then for the honeymoon?” “No way, Cowboy.” They stood up, and embraced for what seemed like hours, just holding onto each other. Finally, without saying a word, they briefly kissed before walking inside to start their honeymoon, one that would last many decades. +++++ On Thursday night, Jack broke the silence. “Somethin’ botherin’ you, Cowboy?” “Nah. Well, sorta.” Jack waited a few seconds. “Sorta what?” “Thinkin’ about Sally and Jim.” “What about them?” “They know, I can tell.” “Know what?” “About us.” “What about us?” “You know, me and you, um… together, you know, ‘together’ together.” “I kinda thought so, too. When did you figure that out?” “Tonight, at dinner. Shoulda never sat down with them.” “Sure we shoulda, it was nice of them to ask, and polite of us to accept. After all, we’ve been on a raft trip with them, and on a trail ride breakfast, and we see ‘em every day at least once.” “Still…” “Still what?” “Makes me uncomfortable, sittin’ there, them knowin’, lookin’ at me, us, wonderin’ what they’re thinkin’, maybe condemning us for who we are and what we do.” “They wouldn’t have asked us to sit down with them if they didn’t like us regardless of who we are, or that we’re sleepin’ in the same bed every night.” Quiet ensued. “They’re not the only ones that know about us, you know that, dontcha? Brett, Pete, the maids, Annie…” Jack could hear Ennis shifting in his chair. “I know.” “And…?” “Sometimes I feel like I gotta big sign on my back, or a big letter on my forehead.” One step at a time, he’s already traveled so far so quickly. “You mean like Hester only with a big red ‘Q’ tacked onto your shirt? So what’re you gonna do about it? Check out in the middle of the night? Run?” Jack sighed. “Enn, if we’re gonna do this, have a life together full time, then you gotta be prepared for folks to figure things out. Nobody’s business but ours, but some busybodies will always try to make it theirs. If folks try to pry into our private lives, we’ll be polite but firm and refuse. Not sayin’ Jim and Sally are like that, as a matter of fact, I think they’re just the opposite. Besides, I like ‘em.” Ennis remained silent for a minute, pulled on his cigarette, causing it to blaze brighter in the darkness, lighting up his face for a moment. “You said ‘if’.” “If what?” Twenty questions. “You said ‘if’ we’re gonna have a life together full time. Want you to know, there’s no ‘if’ for me. Nothin’s changed since Saturday.” Jack could hear Ennis’ determination as his words floated quietly through the darkness. He matched it with his own. He reached and found Ennis’ hand and held it in his, running his thumb over the smooth back of the rough hand of his very own cowboy. “Okay, then, no more ‘ifs’. We just have to decide how and where and when…” “Already decided. I got all my things with me, go wherever you want to go, do whatever we need to do, soon as we leave.” “Then it’s settled.” “Yep.” “No changin’ your mind.” “Nope.” Jack squeezed Ennis’ hand, and leaned over until his lips brushed against Ennis’ ear. “Let’s go inside and seal the deal.” He breathed more than spoke those words. Ennis stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray next to his chair and stood up. So did Jack. Ennis didn’t let go, rather pulled Jack in for a kiss. When they broke their kiss, they stood holding each other, cheek to cheek, hands running circles on each other’s back. Ennis broke the silence this time. “Jack?’ “Ummm…” “Who’s Hester?” Jack looked at him in wonder, grinned and snorted out a quick laugh. “No one you gotta be worried about, believe me, I’ll tell you later.” Jack then tugged on his hand and led the way inside. The lights in the cabin stayed off. Pete smiled to himself as he fed the horses a late breakfast Friday morning. +++++ On Friday night, Ennis broke the silence. “Darlin’?” He called me darlin’! Jack took a sip from his mug before answering. “Ýeah.” “What about tomorrow?” “What about it?” “What’s gonna happen? We’ve talked a whole bunch, but ain’t talked about that.” Jack sighed in the darkness. “I gotta drive back to Childress, pick up the pieces, get my things, at least whatever Lureen hasn’t tossed out or burned, clear out my bank accounts, file for divorce, talk to Bobby. Should only take a couple a days, then I can meet you…” “Ain’t letting you go by yourself, I’m goin’ with you.” “You sure about that? You sure you wanta drive right into Childress and meet my… meet Lureen, maybe run into Randy in the process, meet Bobby? You sure you wanta do that?” Please say yes, Babe. I need you with me, can’t do it alone no matter what you think, just don’t be afraid, don’t back out. “Can’t say it’s gonna be easy, just thinkin’ about it makes my stomach feel funny and my palms start to get sweaty. But I ain’t gonna let you go by yourself, don’t want anything to happen to you and me be hundreds of miles away and not find out about it in time to help you.” The strongest fear still had its grip on him. “Nothin’s gonna happen to me, nothin’,” Jack said soothingly and he hoped convincingly. “Lureen may be mad as a wet hen, but she’s also smart and a sharp business woman and she’s gotta live there after I’m gone. Once she calms down, she’ll know it hasta be a quiet divorce. So like I said, you don’t have to do this if you don’t wanta.” “I do, Jack,” Ennis replied firmly. And Jack knew that was it, no changing Ennis’ mind. Ennis had used his first name, not ‘darlin’’ or ‘Bud’ or anything else, just Jack. “Thank you, Ennis, I know how much it takes for you to do this with me, and I appreciate it. Wasn’t lookin’ forward to doin’ it alone.” And Ennis knew that was it, no changing Jack’s mind. Jack had used his full first name, not ‘Cowboy’ or ‘Enn’ or ‘Babe’ or anything else, just Ennis. He breathed a sigh of relief. “I’ll talk with Pete, see if can take care of the horses for a week or so while we’re gone, and ask Brett if I can park my truck somewheres outta the way, so’s we can ride together, talk more about where we’re gonna end up after Childress.” “Sounds like a good plan. You been thinkin’ about things, haven’t you?’ “Yep, my turn after all these years.” “Well, like I said before, I sure do like this new Ennis Del Mar.” “And I sure do like this old Jack Twist.” “Old! Who’s old? I ain’t old!” “Old as me.” “Huh-uh, you’re three months older’n me. I’ve been keeping time with an older man for twenty years now.” “Hummpf. I’ll show you who’s old and who’s not.” “Promise?” “You bet. Inside, now!” Ennis tugged Jack inside, locked the door, then pushed and shoved and kissed and groped and pulled Jack’s clothes off all the way to the single king-sized bed, where Ennis stripped in front of an admiring Jack and set about proving to Jack how much an older man could do, after which Jack reminded Ennis that a younger man could do even more. +++++ Saturday morning they stood on the porch outside the office, taking one last look at the ranch before leaving. They’d said their goodbyes to Pete and the horses and Brett and Annie and all the others. Sue and Jim had left shortly before, but not until they’d hugged and Sue had made them promise to keep in touch. And they did, exchanging Christmas cards and photos and wedding invitations and birth announcements, meeting up every few years somewhere in between and occasionally at each other’s place, keeping alive a warm friendship. “We’ll have to come back again some day, Enn. I like this place, lotsa good memories.” “Know that, too. Already made reservations for next year, same week, same cabin.” Jack turned his head and caught a bit of a smile playing across Ennis’ lips. Oh what those two lips can do! Quietly he remarked, softly enough so only his cowboy could here, “Why, Ennis Del Mar, you old romantic fool, you.” Ennis’ lips twitched, and he blushed a bit. “Stop it, Jack, someone could hear. B’sides, like a showed you last night, I ain’t old.” “So you don’t deny it, you’re a romantic fool.” Ennis didn’t deny it. Instead, he bumped shoulders with Jack and started down the steps to Jack’s parked truck. “You comin?” Jack bit back a ribald comment, and just said, “Yeah.” Five minutes later, they drove under the Western-style entrance to Running Springs Ranch and reached the highway. Jack signaled, then turned the truck east, towards Childress, towards the end of his marriage and the beginning of their sweet life twenty years in the making. +++++ Tags: au, cwby30, theonlything
Current Location: Office - alone
Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: None
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finding their way through the darkness... PART 2: Running Springs Ranch
Early the next morning Ennis dropped his truck off at Steve’s Auto on his way to Fran’s graduation. From his vantage point in the bleachers of the football field, he watched her walk in wearing her white cap and gown, clapped when they called her name as one of the graduating class of 1983, clapped harder when she accepted her diploma from the chairman of the Board of Trustees of the school district, and hugged the breath out of her when they met on the track surrounding the football field after the ceremony. He handed her an envelope, her graduation present, and asked her not to open it until she was alone at home, since it was nobody’s business but theirs what was inside. He gave her a second envelope with her mother’s name on it, and asked her to give it to her mother later on, after things had settled down at the house. Then he kissed the grown woman that his daughter had become, hugged Junior and shook hands with Kurt, and walked away before he had to listen to one more word from an approaching Alma. Thirty minutes later, he maneuvered his truck onto the on-ramp of the freeway, and headed South towards Jack. ++++++ At 5:02 PM Saturday afternoon, Jack drove under the Western-style entrance to Running Springs Ranch. He had followed Ennis’ directions, Highway 50 West, get off here, left here, right there, finding the Ranch with ease. He took in the large main lodge, with several outbuildings which appeared to have rooms for guests, some cabins in the distance, and the signs showing the way to the stables, barn, recreation hall, swimming pool, and other amenities. Jack parked in front of the main lodge, crossed over the wide porch, and entered through the front door. Looking around, he spotted his next destination and walked over to the counter with the “Reception” sign hanging above it. The clerk smiled on his approach. “Good afternoon, sir, and welcome to Running Springs Ranch. How may I help you?” His nametag read “Brett.” “Hi, Brett, Jack Twist, here to check in.” “Let me see… Yes, Mr. Jack Twist, Childress, Texas, staying with Mr. Del Mar. He’s already checked in.” Brett smiled. Jack didn’t what to say, so he just smiled back and said nothing. “I’ll need your driver’s license for identification, and if you’ll fill out this form for us, including the information on your vehicle. You’ll note the arrival date and the departure date.” Which Jack noticed to be the following Saturday. “Please initial here, and here, and here. Thank you. Do you have your trailer and horses too?” Trailer? Horses? “Um, no, I don’t.” Jack finished the form and handing it over to Brett, who smiled and scanned it. “Do you want my credit card?” “No, that’s not necessary, Mr. Del Mar has paid in advance.” In advance?! “Well, why don’tcha just in case, you know, for incidentals.” “Sure, though most everything including your meals is included in the price of your cabin.” Cabin? Handing the credit card back to Jack, Brett pulled out a map of the Ranch and started drawing lines and circles. “You and Mr. Del Mar have the Mountain View cabin, which is right here, and if you’ll follow the road to your left as you leave the Lodge, and follow the signs, you can’t miss it. One of our more private cabins, complete with a kitchenette if you prefer to eat in. On the reverse side, you’ll see the hours for breakfast, lunch and dinner, which are served in the dining room of the Lodge.” Brett gestured to his right. “Cocktails are not included, but are available in the bar between 4:00 and 10:00 every night. The cabins do not have phones, but we have payphones in phone booths down at that end of the lobby,” Brett gestured to his left, “and over at the recreation hall. Do you have any questions?” A million of them, none you can answer. “Not right now, thanks.” Jack picked up the map, touched the brim of his hat in thanks, and walked outside. He paused on the porch to take in the view before walking down the steps to his truck. Brett’s directions and the road signs got him to the cabin in no time. Mountain View cabin was just that, perched on a rise, the front porch faced across the valley to the mountains beyond. Pine trees and brush screened the cabin from the rest of the Ranch, the nearest other cabin being over 50 yards away and barely visible. Jack parked next to Ennis’ truck, got out, and walked over to admire the view, hands on hips, hat tilted back a bit. When he heard a screen door open and shut, he turned around to admire an even better view, Ennis Del Mar standing at the top step, hatless, hands in his pockets, smiling at him nervously. As Ennis walked down the steps, Jack walked towards him. They met in the middle and hesitated, just standing and staring for a moment, each taking the other in. Recalling their harsh words the last time they met, and mindful of the location, and with twenty years of experience with Ennis, Jack held out his hand. Ennis looked at it, considered it, and brushed it aside. He wrapped his arms around Jack just like he always did when they first met on one of their trips in the middle of nowhere. Startled, it took a few seconds for Jack to respond, but respond he did, matching Ennis in the tightness of his grip. His resolve crumbled in Ennis’ embrace. They breathed in the other’s distinctive smell, and rocked ever so slightly. “You came, you came, li’l darling, you came,” Ennis murmured against Jack’s neck. Jack could feel a dampness, which didn’t come from the heat of the day, against his neck and on his cheeks. “Yeah, I promised I would, and here I am, Cowboy,” Jack murmured back. Ennis pulled back and looked into Jack’s eyes, trying to read his feelings, pouring out his own. Then without a single glance to the side or over his shoulder, Ennis leaned in and kissed Jack, easily, softly, like he had all the time in the world. Jack let him, and kissed him back the same. Then he pulled back and put some distance between their faces, so he could see Ennis, but remaining within his arms. “Who are you, ‘cause you sure ain’t the Ennis that I know.” And love. “What happened to you? You’re not the same, acting kinda weird, you know? We’re outside, anyone coulda seen us, we gotta be careful about that. And why are we here? What’s so damned important to make me change all a my plans?” Jack needed answers, so did Ennis. “You’re late, what happened? Thought you weren’t comin’, just about wore a path in the rug inside, worryin’ about you, and if your other plans were so all-fired important, more important than me, then maybe you shoulda just said no and not changed ‘em.” Jack broke free and stepped back, just out of reach. “Shit! This how it’s gonna be, huh? Drove all this way for what? Have you interrogate me about my social life? Got enough a that from Lureen and Randy. If you must know, I got a late start, had a fight with Randy followed by another one with Lureen, traffic was a bitch coming through Amarillo, and then north of Dalhart some poor s.o.b. changing his flat tire on the side of the highway got smacked in the face by the rim causin’ a back-up for miles, then Pueblo, shit, every goddamn town between here and Childress must be havin’ a street fair or a graduation party, and I had to stop for gas and somethin’ to munch on. So I don’t need you to yell at me about bein’ a few minutes late. If that’s the way you still feel, I got a good mind to…” Jack started wagging a finger at Ennis. Ennis stood shell-shocked. What just happened? Randy? Lureen? Tire rims? What’m I doin’? Ennis quickly moved to mend fences and stop this runaway Twist tirade before it gathered too much steam and jumped the track. Stepping forward, he moved right up to Jack, and looked downward. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, you’re right, I don’t know why I said that.” He tentatively reached out to touch Jack, and when Jack didn’t push him away, he put one arm around Jack, and caressed Jack’s cheek with his other hand. “Don’t matter, none of it, you’re here, you made it, you came, you came to me, that’s all that matters.” This time Jack initiated the kiss, and it wasn’t gentle or soft. It was hard and demanding, wanting answers, wanting certainty, wanting… him. +++++ An hour so later, they lay naked and sweaty on the king-size bed in the only bedroom in the cabin. Ennis lay back against Jack’s chest in the circle of Jack’s arms, his own hands running up and down one of Jack’s arms. They shared a cigarette, blowing lazy circles above them. Jack looked about the room, suitcases jumbled in the corners, clothes strewn about, boots nowhere to be seen, an errant sock draped over the footboard of the bed. The bed. One bedroom, king-size bed, two guys staying here, won’t be any way to avoid the obvious when the maid comes in. Wonder if that’s what made Brett smile so much. Once again Jack wondered what was going on inside the brain of the man in his arms. And he was glad that Ennis and not someone else was in his arms. Still, he needed answers. He marveled again at the view of the mountains from out front, remembering the first time he and Ennis made love in the shadow of their Mountain. And all the other times they had kissed, groped, grunted, groaned, pushed, pulled, yelled in the shadow of their Mountain and in the shadows of other mountains over the past twenty years. And here they were again, almost back to their beginning, only this time hundreds of miles away from the familiar. His stomach grumbled, breaking his line of thought. And Ennis’ too, by the reaction it got. “Jack Twist, always hungry.” “Yeah, always hungry, ‘specially after a good work-out.” He squeezed Ennis a bit. “Glad to oblige you.” Ennis twisted slightly so he could see Jack’s face. “Though I’m not all that hungry yet, maybe I need a bit more of a work out before dinner.” Jack reached down so their lips were millimeters apart. “Whatta you got in mind?” “Thought I’d go for a ride on a wild stallion, one with a black mane and muscles that ripple in the sunshine.” He moved to lie on top of Jack, and brushed the hair from Jack’s forehead before kissing him soft and gentle. Jack wrapped his arms and legs around Ennis, pulled him close, and whispered, “Giddyap, Cowboy.” ++++ Another half an hour or so later, they still lay naked and sweaty on the king-size bed, Jack now in the circle of Ennis’ arms. No cigarette, just their thoughts. Once again, Jack broke the silence. “Penny for yer thoughts.” “I love you, John Edward Twist.” Jack froze. The words he had waited twenty years to hear now echoed in his ears, said effortlessly, like normal every-day words. Like fucking normal. “You do?” “Yes, I do. Finally figured out what this thing was between us, the one that we can’t let get ahold of us out in public, but can and do when it’s just the two of us.” “You did?” “Yeah.” They both stared forward not daring to look at each other. Not hearing any response from Jack, Ennis whispered into Jack’s ear. “I love you, Jack. I don’t hold the reins any more, they’re in your hands now.” Jack moved out of Ennis’ arms, and sat cross-legged opposite him on the bed. Ennis also sat up. “What happened? Why now? Why now when…” He stopped. Ennis finished his sentence for him. “… when you found somebody who wouldn’t hide out in the woods, would go places with you, be seen with you, and it almost felt like you could quit me?” Jack lowered his eyes, blushing. “Yeah, sorta.” Now or never, Del Mar. “Jack, I’ve been afraid of most everything my whole life. My daddy, my brother, Alma, bein’ different, what we have between us. Froze me in place, don’t think I’ve moved much since the day my daddy took me and KE to see what was left of Earl.” Jack looked up. Ennis had always used that as an excuse not to take a chance. And now? “Decided Thursday night to change all that.” “Why Thursday?” “’Cause someone told me I should stop being afraid, that the only thing I really should be afraid of is just being afraid.” Ennis struggled. “I’m still afraid, but I’m learnin’ not to let it freeze me in place. It’s hard, damn hard, harder than anythin’ I’ve ever done. Not as easy as just goin’ along with what everyone else expects a me. Well, almost everyone.” He looked over at Jack. “Don’t have your way with words, your way of talkin’ to people. You know what I’m tryin’ to say?” “’The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,’” Jack quoted. “That’s it, just what Fran said, not to be afraid of everythin’ all the time.” “Fran told you that?” Jack’s mind reeled at the thought, Ennis and his daughter, talking about this, about them. “Yeah, Thursday morning, made a speech at her graduation breakfast. Thought about it all day at work after that, and most of the night.” Ennis stopped, not wanting to share that time yet, then continued. “Um, Jack, um, Fran knows, so does Junior, about us I mean.” Ennis motioned back and forth between the two of them. Jack paled. “They do? And… and…” “And they hugged me and told me they loved me, and that I should work things out with you.” “Damn.” Jack got up and began to pace back and forth at the foot of the bed, running a hand through his hair, clasping and unclasping his hands. This is totally unexpected. Now what? He stopped and looked at Ennis. “And you’re okay with that?” Ennis shrugged and sighed. “No, not really, can’t hardly look them in the eye, but ain’t got much of a choice, now do I? They know and they love me.” His voice held a tone of awe, but then changed. “Um, and uh… Alma knows…” “Alma, too? How do you know that?” Inwardly Jack groaned. Who else?! “She said as much, after the divorce, that Fall after you drove all the way up….” He stopped that train of thought, another wound he didn’t want to pick at. “Thanksgiving night, in her kitchen, we had a fight after dinner. Didn’t see the girls for quite a while after that. Then they finally called, asked me if I still loved them, just about broke my heart. So I went over that same day, never missed a chance since then. And Alma hasn’t missed a chance to remind me when the girls ain’t around.” “You never told me that.” Jack was upset, amazed, upset. It explained a lot about the past nine years. “Jack, darlin’?” Ennis asked, sitting forward, his arms around his knees. Darlin’? “Yeah?” “Do you love me?” “Do I what?” “Do you love me?” Ennis repeated. “You never said.” Twenty years, twenty years I’ve come to him, slept with him, thought of him every day, and I never said it, too scared about what would happen if I did, probably drive him away, and I couldn’t stand that or fix that, and look where it got me. Now he’s said it first. Jack crawled back onto the bed and right up to Ennis, kneeling in front of him. “Ennis James Del Mar, I love you right back, not sure exactly when I figured it out, but knew it before we left Brokeback, and no matter what I’ve done, where I’ve gone, who I’ve been with, it’s always been you right here.” Jack took Ennis’ hand and placed it on his heart. “Just about gave up on us after our last trip, didn’t see things changing, just us drifting apart, couldn’t stand it any more so I thought I should fix it, for both of us. But now…” Jack sighed. “What you still do to me, Ennis Del Mar.” Ennis nearly choked when Jack mentioned being with others and again when he heard the sadness nearing despair as Jack talked about their drifting apart, but said nothing. Instead a calm came over him. Jack loved him, Jack was here with him, not there with someone else. That spoke volumes to a quiet Ennis Del Mar. “Twenty years, Twist, twenty goddamn years. What took you so long?” Ennis couldn’t keep the hitch out of his voice. They fell into each other’s arms, and finally let their emotions out of their self-imposed cages, no reins, no fears, no matter any more. ++++ Ennis insisted on checking the horses before they ate dinner. So they cleaned off the first layer, dressed in their disheveled traveling clothes, and found their way to the stables in the twilight. Pete, who ran the stables, met them, told them they didn’t have to do it since they were guests and it was part of the fee they paid, but appreciated that they cared about their horses enough to see to them themselves. It gave all three of them time to size each other up. By the time Jack and Ennis left, nobody had said it outright, but Pete knew and didn’t care, and Ennis and Jack knew that Pete knew and didn’t care. Jack accepted this readily, Ennis had a bit harder time of it. But, remembering Thursday night, and Brett’s look when he checked in and gave Jack’s name as the other guest in the cabin, and what he had said to Jack only a few hours earlier that day, Ennis shook Pete’s offered hand. They walked away with some advice from Pete on little-used byways branching off the marked riding trails. They made it to dinner just in time before the diningroom closed, all smiles, hair damp, clean clothes. Only a few tables scattered about in the large room still had guests sitting at them. The hostess, Annie, showed them to a table in the corner near the fireplace, with no one at any of the nearby tables. Folks took notice, but didn’t stare. Most just looked away, disinterested, some smiled as they passed, and they smiled back. They ordered drinks and dinner, and talked quietly about family and friends and their old lives, and about the shape of their new lives. They walked slowly in the darkness after dinner, occasionally bumping shoulders, saying nothing. Dim lights near the ground marked the pathways to the cabin, where the front porch light sent out a welcome glow. Jack opened the door and turned out the light. They spent the next hour sitting in the padded bent-twig chairs on the porch, smoking, talking, holding hands, planning, until the evening chill drove them inside. Within a few minutes they took refuge in each other’s arms under the down comforter on the king-size bed until, tired, sticky and happy, sleep overtook them. +++++ Tags: au, cwby30, theonlything
Current Location: Office - alone
Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: None
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Title: The Only Thing Author: cwby 30 Rating: PG-13, adult situation. Genre: AU. Jack/Ennis, OCs Summary: Fran's high school graduation speech makes Ennis think long and hard about his life and what really matters.
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain and these characters (except the OCs) belong to Annie Proulx, Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger and others. I'm just borrowing them for a short time. No disrespect intended. I do this for me for fun, and make no money off any of it. AN: Afternoon. This came to me in the wee small hours of the morning about three months ago. I wrote it down, massaged it quite a bit [11 drafts!] over time, and here it is. Hope you like it. As usual, no beta but me, so if you see something that needs fixing, don't just stand it, let me know, would appreciate it. Because of the length, I'm posting it in three parts plus an epilogue. And many thanks to all the Veterans out there on this day, when we celebrate Armistice Day from WWI [the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month], and all veterans who have served our country. Thanks again. Tags: au, cwby30, theonlything
Current Location: Office - alone
Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: None
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Title: Lovers' Leap Author: cwby 30 Rating: PG-13, adult situation. Genre: Canon. Jack/Ennis Summary: Can Ennis jump?
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain and these characters (except the OCs) belong to Annie Proulx, Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger and others. I'm just borrowing them for a short time. No disrespect intended. I do this for me for fun, and make no money off any of it. AN: Afternoon. This came to me in the wee small hours of the morning. I wrote it down, massaged it a bit, and here it is. A double drabble, 100 words each paragraph. Hope you like it. As usual, no beta but me, so if you see something that needs fixing, don't just stand it, let me know, would appreciate it. Thanks again. Tags: canon, cwby30, loversleap
Current Location: Office
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: None
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Title: They Always Knew Author: cwby 30 Rating: PG-13, adult situation. Genre: AU. Jack/Ennis Summary: An impulse purchase leads to changes, but who knew it would?
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain and these characters (except the OCs) belong to Annie Proulx, Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger and others. I'm just borrowing them for a short time. No disrespect intended. I do this for me for fun, and make no money off any of it. AN: Afternoon. Here's something that came to me yesterday morning, in the early hours. Hope you like it. I also have another in the works, almost finished, which I hope to post early next week. And, this should be single-spaced, with double spacing after each triad and after the middle portion [you'll understand when you read it]. LJ made it all double or one and a half spacing. Finally had to do it manually for each line. If anyone can show me an easier way to change this, please tell me! As usual, no beta but me, so if you see something that needs fixing, don't just stand it, let me know, would appreciate it. Thanks again. Tags: au, cwby30, theyalwaysknew
Current Location: Office
Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: None
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